Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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