please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
