i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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