Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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