We're facebook friends in real life
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just crazy horny about you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
