I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
