It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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