These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
