My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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