I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
