I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
