Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
