My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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