I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
