go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
