STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
