Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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