it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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