Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
