Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
