you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
