My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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