I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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