you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
