What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
