you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
