He uses pillows to masturbate.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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