so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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