im six kinds of drunk right now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
