I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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