btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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