based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
