We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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