that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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