There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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