i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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