i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
