I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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