Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
