Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
