I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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