I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
