Barsexuality is the new black.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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