Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
