I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just pynch a tree in the face
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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