He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize