i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize