4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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