what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
