Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
