With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
