i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize