I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
