It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
