Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
