i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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