they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
