So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
