he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
