omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
