fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
