i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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