A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
