textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am available for nakedness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize