Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
