I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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