I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
