you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
